"Those who have experienced Paris have advantage over those who have not. We are the ones who have glimpsed a little bit of heaven, down here on earth." - Deirdre Kelly

Monday, August 08, 2011

Filles aux Femmes

Filles aux Femmes (girls to women) - R & T (2007)

"Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Well, I've been afraid of changing...
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too."
- Landslide, Fleetwood Mac

Yesterday I had the supreme joy and honor of celebrating, and photographing, my best friend's birthday - a dejeuner de champagne fabuleuse!  And when I say best friend, I not only mean best but oldest. We've been sistahs of the heart for 26 years - I met R before I met Mr. Gorgeous. She's the Diva-Godmamma to my precious three, and knows where all my skeletons are buried (several cemetaries worth, let me tell you).  But here's the thing...

R & T with our doggie-divas ;-)

At one point, during the celebration I looked around at all of the lovely ladies, that had come together to celebrate R's special day; and I looked at R - I mean really looked at her. And I realized that I don't really know her at all - I mean the 21st century, adult/mature/Goddess her. And I think that she's aware that she no longer really knows me as well. Maybe it's because all of the stories we share (with each other and others) are of times and adventures we had when we were girls -maybe because we both stubbornly cling to our past to help buttress our present. I realized that, instead of seeing each other a few times weekly, we see each other a few times a year. I realized that when we sporadically speak, we speak to each other as polite friends, not as sistahs of the heart.

January 2011

I really like and love this confident, beautiful, kind, generous and self-assured woman. I feel an intimate familiarity with her and would trust her with anything, but I don't know her - not really. As I watched R glide around the room, laughing and talking with her friends, literally sparkling and glowing, I realized that we no longer really know each other, that I have no place in her present life, and I became...sad. I felt like a stranger and was quite overwhelmed. So much so, I abruptly said my goodbyes and left - I needed time and space to think.

R's birthday (2011)

As soon as I got home, I grabbed Coco and went for a long walk. I could hear Stevie Nicks singing in my head. Stevie and Coco helped me to center my thoughts. R and I have gone through many changes, over these past 26 years. And, somehow, that inevitable life-evolution has not left us room for each other, room for our friendship to grow along with all the rest of it. And I'm sure that R has felt this too - hmmm. Now I'm wondering if we can figure our way through this - or are we destined to be polite, distant, friends.

I want us to make our way through this. I miss our friendship, I miss her, and I want the femmes R & T to be sistahs of the heart, I want to create 21st century memories. And, yes, I know that I've got to talk to R about this. But where to start? This is some heavy shit - sigh...

Landslide - My favorite version

Vivre! Rire! Aimer!

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